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Sent by a colleague, John Hilsdon, from ELC, University of Exeter Dear folks Under the circs (take that however you wish), the following may bring welcome smiles: British Signs (fwd from a colleague on writing in HE list)Sign in a London department store:Bargain basement upstairs. In an office:Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken. Outside a farm:MANURE: 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF. In an office:After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board. On a church door:This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side door.) Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open Tomorrow. Outside a photographer's studio:Out to lunch: If not back by five, out for dinner also. Seen at the side of a Sussex road:Slow cattle crossing. No overtaking for the next 100 yrs. Outside a disco:Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome. Sign warning of quicksand:Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the district council. Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:Due to increasing problems with litter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order. Notice in a dry cleaner's window:Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. Sign on motorway garage:Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much but our petrol is. Notice in health food shop window:Closed due to illness. Spotted in a safari park:Elephants please stay in your car. Seen during a conference:For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor. Notice in a field:The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges. Message on a leaflet:If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons. Sign on a repair shop door:We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work) Sign at Norfolk farm gate:Beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser and the ninth one has just left. Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
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